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Famous Quotes from The Brady Bunch.

Season 1 Edit

The Honeymoon [1.1] Edit

Alice: I don’t blame you for being nervous, Mr. Brady. This is a very important Saturday.

Mike: [puts sugar into his coffee] Why should I be nervous? What makes you think I’m nervous?

Alice''': It’s the first time I ever saw you take twenty-one spoons of sugar.

Mike''': [pauses] I like it sweet.

Carol: [on the phone] Cindy thought there are real butterflies in my stomach.

Mike''': You’re lucky if you only get butterflies. I’ve got six flying saucers in mine.

:Carol''': [stressed, hair undone, in the middle of using make up] How could you girls sit there and say I look beautiful?

[[w:Characters_of_The_Brady_Bunch#Cindy_Brady|Cindy]]: Because we love you.

:[[w:Characters_of_The_Brady_Bunch#Peter_Brady|Peter]]: [to Mike] I once saw a movie where a man was getting married. He was so nervous. He forgot to put his pants on.

Bobby: [looks under the table] You’re OK, dad.

:Peter''': [to Carol, about Mike] This morning he put 21 spoons sugar into the coffee

Mike: You’re exaggerating.

Bobby: But he didn’t forget his pants.

:Desk clerk: Oh, Mr. Brady, you have signed this Mr. Brady, Mrs. Brady and family.

Mike: Hmm, I forgot. It’s force of habit. Kids aren’t with us.

Desk clerk: But you did ask for the honeymoon suite.

Carol: Oh, it’s quite alright Mr. Pringle. You see …

Mike: [interrupts her] It’s quite alright darling. No need to explain. It’s obvious that this gentleman doesn’t dig the modern generation.

:Mike: How would you girls like to come along with us?

Jan: On your honeymoon?

Carol: That’s right.

Cindy''': Alright. I’ve never been on a honeymoon.

Jan: Neither have I, and I am older than you are.

:Greg: I’m going back to bed.

Peter''': Aren’t you going with us?

Greg''': Not me, I’m too old to go on a honeymoon.

Bobby: Dad’s older than you are and he’s going.

Dear Libby [1.2] Edit

Cindy: You cheated.

Bobby: I did not. And besides: You didn’t see me.

Cindy: I did too!

:Carol: I don’t hear anything

Mike: What’s the matter with that?

Carol: Six kids and no noise. That’s what’s the matter with that… I’ve never heard such a loud silence.

:Cindy: [upon finding out it's another family] I sure am glad we're not Harry Hopeless!

Eenie, Meenie, Mommy, Daddy [1.3] Edit

Alice: Anyone offering a trip to Europe for the right answer?

:Alice: Look who gets to go.

Cindy: [takes off blindfold] Brazil!

:Cindy: [as she picks off flower petals] Eenie, Meenie, Mommy, Daddy.

Alice Doesn't Live Here Anymore [1.4] Edit

Katchoo [1.5] Edit

Carol: I'm afraid we were going to get rid of daddy!

A Clubhouse Is Not a Home [1.6] Edit

Mike: Well then?

Greg: We're sick of doing all these things.

Peter: Do this, do that, they're a real pain.

Bobby: Yeah, they're too bossy.

Kitty Karry-All Is Missing [1.7] Edit

[Mike is explaining circumstantial evidence]

Bobby: Circum-special?

Mike: No, circumstantial. It means things look different than they really are.

Cindy: You mean like when a lady puts on false eyelashes?

A-Camping We Will Go [1.8] Edit

Bobby: Well I guess women are okay for somethings.

Sorry, Right Number [1.9] Edit

Every Boy Does It Once [1.10] Edit

Marcia: Hi and bye, small fry.

Vote for Brady [1.11] Edit

The Voice of Christmas [1.12] Edit

Alice: You're guaranteed to be cured in 24 hours.

Carol: 24 hours!!?

Alice: Unless you break out in a rash. Then you take it off.

:Peter: [to Alice] You can't throw the turkey away, it's got my favorite dressing.

:Cindy: He's better than a doctor, he's Santa Claus!

:Greg: Now, don't let the girls catch you hiding these.

Bobby: If they catch me, should I eat the present?

Peter: Eat it! [to Greg] He's been watching too many of those spy programs.

Is There a Doctor in the House? [1.13] Edit

Carol: You have a temperature. Peter: The nurse told me. 101.1. Is that a new world record? Carol: That's one record you don't wanna break. Alice: Yeah, ya don't get to hold the title very long. (laugh track starts now.)

:Alice: You got everything here?

Carol: Well, I think so. [to the tune of "The 12 Days of Christmas] There are 6 luncheon trays, 5 comic books, 4 jigsaw puzzles, 3 magic tricks, 2 ice cream bars,...

Carol and Mike''': And one cow bell!

:Peter: What's a 5-letter word for exhaustion?

Alice: Alice!

:[Greg complains about his lunch]

Mike: That's a feast fit for a king!

Greg: Well then give it to the king and give me some baloney!

:Marica: Gentlemen...if you don't like the conversation in this room....

Jan: Which by-the-way happens to be a WOMAN'S room....

Marcia: True! Then you can simply VAMOOSE!

Jan: Scram!

:Carol: Oh, Mike! Why don't we just put it off until you decide which doctor?

Mike: At this point I'd SETTLE for a witch doctor.

:[Someone makes a comment about taking Jan's boat]

Jan: Who cares? I get seasick, anyway.

Father of the Year [1.14] Edit

54-40 and Fight [1.15] Edit

Cindy: Me first!

Bobby: Why you?

[[Cindy]]: 'Cause I'm a lady!

Bobby''': uh huh

Cindy: I am a lady, if you say I'm not, I'll bop you!

Mike's Horror-Scope [1.16] Edit

Carol: [to Beebe after Bobby and Cindy's fight ends up in her being squirted in the face with a squirt gun] ...they didn't mean any harm...!

Beebe: Neither did Frankenstein!

The Undergraduate [1.17] Edit

Tiger, Tiger! [1.18] Edit

The Big Sprain [1.19] Edit

Alice: [who has just tripped] My foot played a game of Chinese checkers...and lost.

Brace Yourself [1.20] Edit

Marcia: [about her braces] Tell me the honest truth. Do I look funny?

Cindy: Of course not, Marcia. You look beautiful.

Marcia:Thanks, Cindy!

Cindy''': But how do you get the toothpaste through all that barbed wire?

:Jan''': [when Cindy is about to go into the bathroom] Marcia's in there.

Cindy: Daddy said to act natural--and I always barge in on Marcia when she's in the bathroom!

:Alan: I can't take you to the dance.

Marcia: Why not?

Alan: Well, my parents are going out of town.

Marcia: So what?

Alan: I have to go with them.

Marcia: I don't believe you. You just don't want to be seen with a girl who has braces, like I do now. I hate you, Alan Anthony. I hate EVERYBODY!

The Hero [1.21] Edit

Alice: [to the deliveryman] You keep calling me sweetie, gorgeous & beautiful, and I'll follow you anywhere!

:Alice: [seeing Peter on the paper] Leapin' caterpillars! We got ourselves a real celebrity!

:Jason: Sorry, I can't make it. I have my piano lessons.

Peter: I didn't know you knew how to play the piano.

Jason: I don't. That's why I gotta take lessons.

The Possible Dream [1.22] Edit

Desi Arnaz Jr.: How about that! I never thought I'd top Captain Kangaroo!

To Move or Not to Move [1.23] Edit

Carol: [about the first strange noise] WHAT was that?

Alice: It sounded like a cow died in the driveway.

:Carol: [about the strange noises] It's probably just the wind against the shutters.

Alice: That would be a good guess, Mrs. Brady... if there was a wind... or we had shutters.

:Mrs. Hunsacker: You folks sure pick a strange time of the year to celebrate Halloween.

:Bert Grossman: [trying to explain the strange noises] It was probably just the wind through the willow grove.

[the noises start again]

Mrs. Hunsacker: That was no wind through a willow grove.

The Grass is Always Greener [1.24] Edit

Lost Locket, Found Locket [1.25] Edit

[During the re-enactment of the locket's disappearance; Bobby got back in bed]

Bobby: Can I spit out my toothpaste?

Greg: Why didn't you spit it out in the bathroom?

Bobby: You said we had to just what we did before. I didn't spit then now cause I didn't spit then. And you know somethin'?

Greg''': What?

Bobby: It's hard to talk with your mouth full of toothpaste.

Season 2 Edit

The Dropout [2.1] Edit

The Babysitters [2.2] Edit

The Slumber Caper [2.3] Edit

Marcia: Hello Jenny, this is Marcia. I called about the slumber party I'm having tomorrow night.

Jenny: I can hardly wait.

Marcia: Well, it's only for my friends.

Jenny: Sure, I'm your friend Marcia.

Marcia: Not anymore. So considered yourself. Uninvited! [[[Marcia]] hung up the phone]

The Un-Underground Movie [2.4] Edit

Greg: Peter, snow!

Going, Going... Steady [2.5] Edit

Call Me Irresponsible [2.6] Edit

The Treasure of Sierra Avenue [2.7] Edit

Cindy: Want a piece of licorice?

Bobby: Yeah!

Cindy: I bet you do!

A Fistful of Reasons [2.8] Edit

Buddy Hinton: Baby talk, baby talk, it's the wonder you can walk.

Cindy: You stop that Buddy Hinton!

Buddy Hinton: Stop that! Oh witty bitty baby talk. There is no witty bitty baby talk say something. Come on, say something.

The Not So Ugly-Duckling [2.9] Edit

The Tattletale [2.10] Edit

Carol: Strain a guppy out of his fish tank?

Greg: Tattletale!

Mike: All right, that's enough.

Cindy: But I didn't do anything wrong. Peter stained the guppy.

Mike: All right what Peter did was wrong and what you did was wrong, too. You know that's none of your business. Your tattling is not right and could get other people into trouble.

:Bobby: I'm not lending everything to a snitcher!

Cindy: I'm not a snitcher. I just tell it like it is.

Bobby: Well I'm not lending you my skate key after the way you squealed on Greg and Peter!

Cindy: Okay, I'll tell what you did yesterday.

Bobby: You little fink!

What Goes Up... [2.11] Edit

Tiger: [barking and running down the stairs]

Bobby: Mom, Dad, my parakeet's loose! Tiger, stop scaring my parakeet!

Confessions, Confessions [2.12] Edit

Bobby: Mom always says don't play ball in the house.

The Impractical Joker [2.13] Edit

Where There's Smoke [2.14] Edit

Cindy: Greg's smoking.

Tommy Johnson: Hey, man. They're just plain cigarettes.

Will the Real Jan Brady Please Stand Up? [2.15] Edit

Jan''': I'd like to buy a wig please.

Saleswoman: Not for yourself. Why would you want to cover such beautiful blonde hair?

Jan: You'd understand if you had two blonde sisters at home.

Saleswoman: Oh, so we want a complete change do we?

Jan: Yes ma'me.

Saleswoman: Ok. What kind of style are you looking for?

Jan: I don't know. Something wild. Cookey. Kinda like something you're wearing.

Saleswoman: This is my own hair.

Jan: Oh! I'm so sorry!

Saleswoman: Not half as sorry as I am.

Saleswoman: Ah, that’s our ‘Midnight Temptress’ wig.

Jan: ‘Midnight Temptress’, huh? Well, I don’t think I’ll be out that late.

The Drummer Boy [2.16] Edit

Coming Out Party [2.17] Edit

Our Son, The Man [2.18] Edit

Greg: Remember Dad, we're talking man-to-man, not kid-to-man man-to-man, but man-to-man, man-to-man.

Greg: Carol. Mike.

Mike: Greg it may be thei hip thing to call parents by their first names, but around here, we're still Mom and Dad.

The Liberation of Marcia Brady [2.19] Peter: I am a little sunflower girl-loyal, brave and true. Man: Are you kidding? Peter: No, i'm a sunflower girl. Man: Are you puttin' me on? Am I on one of those hidden camera shows. Peter: No, sir. Would you like some cookies for a dollar? Man: Sure. Haaaaahaaaaahaaaaa!!!!!!!!! Sunflower girl!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! Edit

Lights Out [2.20] Edit

The Winner [2.21] Edit

Doubled Packed [2.22] Edit

Alice's September Song [2.23] Edit

Tell It Like It Is [2.24] Edit

Season 3Edit

Ghost Town U.S.A [3.1] Edit

Grand Canyon or Bust [3.2] Edit

The Brady Braves [3.3] Edit

The Wheeler Dealer [3.4] Edit

My Sister, Benedict Arnold [3.5] Edit

Peter: When are you going to grow up?

Bobby: When I get older.

The Personality Kid [3.6] Edit

Peter [Impersonating Humphrey Bogart]: Porkchops and applesauce, that's swell!

Juliet Is The Sun [3.7] Edit

Marcia: One line. It's different with me. I'm a star.

Jan: [to Marcia] Well lah-de-dah!

Cindy: What does that mean?

Jan: It means that Marcia's being a pain in the neck.

Cindy: Oh, [to Marcia] well lah-de-dah!

And Now a Word From Our Sponsor [3.8] Edit

The Private Ear [3.9] Edit

Her Sister's Shadow [3.10] Edit

Jan: Well, all I hear all day long at school is how great Marcia is at this how wonderful Marcia did that. Marcia, Marcia, Marcia!

Click [3.11] Edit

Getting Davy Jones [3.12] Edit

The Not-So-Rose-Colored Glasses [3.13] Edit

The Teeter Totter Caper [3.14] Edit

Big Little Man [3.15] Edit

Bobby: She's right. I'm a pee-wee, I'll always be a pee-wee.

Dough-Re-Mi [3.16] Edit

Peter: Cindy stuck her tongue out of me.

Carol: She's just a little girl.

Peter''': She has an awfully big tongue.

Jan's Aunt Jenny [3.17] Edit

The Big Bet [3.18] Edit

The Power of the Press [3.19] Edit

Sergeant Emma [3.20] Edit

Cindy Brady, Lady [3.21] Edit

My Fair Opponent [3.22] Edit

The Fender Benders [3.23] Edit

Mike: Who banged up what?!?!

Season 4Edit

Hawaii Bound [4.1] Edit

Pass the Tabu [4.2] Edit

The Tiki Caves [4.3] Edit

Today, I Am A Freshman [4.4] Edit

Cyrano de Brady [4.5] Edit

Peter: I don't trust you, you stole my girl!

Greg: I did not steal your girl.

Peter: You did.

Bobby: You guys should stop aguring, I'm getting out of here.

Fright Night [4.6] Edit

The Show Must Go On?? [4.7] Edit

Jan, The Only Child [4.8] Edit

Career Fever [4.9] Edit

Greg's Triangle [4.11] Edit

Law and Disorder [4.14] Edit

'''Carol''' ( To '''Alice''' after finding the overflowing washing machine): Oh! Alice, the washing machine's gone crazy!

'''Bobby''': Help! Mom!

'''Alice''': Mrs.Brady, the suds are calling you.

[ Carol and Alice find Bobby in a sea of foam from the overflowing washing machine]

Carol: What were you doing?

Bobby: Washing my clothes.

Alice: You're supposed to take your clothes off before you washed them!

Greg Gets Grounded [4.15] Edit

Bobby's Hero [4.17] Edit

The Subject was Noses [4.18] Edit

Marcia: Something suddenly came up.

Marcia: [to Bobby and Peter] Hey, you guys... [her nose gets hit by the football] OH! My nose!

How To Succeed in Business [4.19] Edit

The Great Earring Caper [4.20] Edit

You're Never Too Old [4.21] Edit

You Can't Win 'Em All [4.22] Edit

Carol: [to Cindy] You shouldn't put down a loser, Cindy, because you might be one yourself someday. Just remember that.