Famous Quotes from The Brady Bunch.
Season 1 Edit
The Honeymoon [1.1] Edit
- Alice: I don’t blame you for being nervous, Mr. Brady. This is a very important Saturday.
- Mike: [puts sugar into his coffee] Why should I be nervous? What makes you think I’m nervous?
- Alice''': It’s the first time I ever saw you take twenty-one spoons of sugar.
- Mike''': [pauses] I like it sweet.
Carol: [on the phone] Cindy thought there are real butterflies in my stomach.
- Mike''': You’re lucky if you only get butterflies. I’ve got six flying saucers in mine.
:Carol''': [stressed, hair undone, in the middle of using make up] How could you girls sit there and say I look beautiful?
- [[w:Characters_of_The_Brady_Bunch#Cindy_Brady|Cindy]]: Because we love you.
:[[w:Characters_of_The_Brady_Bunch#Peter_Brady|Peter]]: [to Mike] I once saw a movie where a man was getting married. He was so nervous. He forgot to put his pants on.
- Bobby: [looks under the table] You’re OK, dad.
:Peter''': [to Carol, about Mike] This morning he put 21 spoons sugar into the coffee
:Desk clerk: Oh, Mr. Brady, you have signed this Mr. Brady, Mrs. Brady and family.
- Mike: Hmm, I forgot. It’s force of habit. Kids aren’t with us.
- Desk clerk: But you did ask for the honeymoon suite.
- Carol: Oh, it’s quite alright Mr. Pringle. You see …
- Mike: [interrupts her] It’s quite alright darling. No need to explain. It’s obvious that this gentleman doesn’t dig the modern generation.
:Mike: How would you girls like to come along with us?
- Jan: On your honeymoon?
- Carol: That’s right.
- Cindy''': Alright. I’ve never been on a honeymoon.
- Jan: Neither have I, and I am older than you are.
:Greg: I’m going back to bed.
- Peter''': Aren’t you going with us?
- Greg''': Not me, I’m too old to go on a honeymoon.
- Bobby: Dad’s older than you are and he’s going.
Dear Libby [1.2] Edit
:Carol: I don’t hear anything
- Mike: What’s the matter with that?
- Carol: Six kids and no noise. That’s what’s the matter with that… I’ve never heard such a loud silence.
:Cindy: [upon finding out it's another family] I sure am glad we're not Harry Hopeless!
Eenie, Meenie, Mommy, Daddy [1.3] Edit
- Alice: Anyone offering a trip to Europe for the right answer?
:Alice: Look who gets to go.
- Cindy: [takes off blindfold] Brazil!
:Cindy: [as she picks off flower petals] Eenie, Meenie, Mommy, Daddy.
Alice Doesn't Live Here Anymore [1.4] Edit
Katchoo [1.5] Edit
- Carol: I'm afraid we were going to get rid of daddy!
A Clubhouse Is Not a Home [1.6] Edit
- Mike: Well then?
- Greg: We're sick of doing all these things.
- Peter: Do this, do that, they're a real pain.
- Bobby: Yeah, they're too bossy.
Kitty Karry-All Is Missing [1.7] Edit
- [Mike is explaining circumstantial evidence]
- Bobby: Circum-special?
- Mike: No, circumstantial. It means things look different than they really are.
- Cindy: You mean like when a lady puts on false eyelashes?
A-Camping We Will Go [1.8] Edit
- Bobby: Well I guess women are okay for somethings.
Sorry, Right Number [1.9] Edit
Every Boy Does It Once [1.10] Edit
- Marcia: Hi and bye, small fry.
Vote for Brady [1.11] Edit
The Voice of Christmas [1.12] Edit
- Alice: You're guaranteed to be cured in 24 hours.
- Carol: 24 hours!!?
- Alice: Unless you break out in a rash. Then you take it off.
:Peter: [to Alice] You can't throw the turkey away, it's got my favorite dressing.
:Cindy: He's better than a doctor, he's Santa Claus!
:Greg: Now, don't let the girls catch you hiding these.
- Bobby: If they catch me, should I eat the present?
- Peter: Eat it! [to Greg] He's been watching too many of those spy programs.
Is There a Doctor in the House? [1.13] Edit
- Carol: You have a temperature. Peter: The nurse told me. 101.1. Is that a new world record? Carol: That's one record you don't wanna break. Alice: Yeah, ya don't get to hold the title very long. (laugh track starts now.)
:Alice: You got everything here?
- Carol: Well, I think so. [to the tune of "The 12 Days of Christmas] There are 6 luncheon trays, 5 comic books, 4 jigsaw puzzles, 3 magic tricks, 2 ice cream bars,...
- Carol and Mike''': And one cow bell!
:Peter: What's a 5-letter word for exhaustion?
:[Greg complains about his lunch]
:Marica: Gentlemen...if you don't like the conversation in this room....
- Jan: Which by-the-way happens to be a WOMAN'S room....
- Marcia: True! Then you can simply VAMOOSE!
- Jan: Scram!
:Carol: Oh, Mike! Why don't we just put it off until you decide which doctor?
- Mike: At this point I'd SETTLE for a witch doctor.
:[Someone makes a comment about taking Jan's boat]
- Jan: Who cares? I get seasick, anyway.
Father of the Year [1.14] Edit
54-40 and Fight [1.15] Edit
- Cindy: Me first!
- Bobby: Why you?
- [[Cindy]]: 'Cause I'm a lady!
- Bobby''': uh huh
- Cindy: I am a lady, if you say I'm not, I'll bop you!
Mike's Horror-Scope [1.16] Edit
- Carol: [to Beebe after Bobby and Cindy's fight ends up in her being squirted in the face with a squirt gun] ...they didn't mean any harm...!
- Beebe: Neither did Frankenstein!
The Undergraduate [1.17] Edit
Tiger, Tiger! [1.18] Edit
The Big Sprain [1.19] Edit
- Alice: [who has just tripped] My foot played a game of Chinese checkers...and lost.
Brace Yourself [1.20] Edit
- Marcia: [about her braces] Tell me the honest truth. Do I look funny?
- Cindy: Of course not, Marcia. You look beautiful.
- Marcia:Thanks, Cindy!
- Cindy''': But how do you get the toothpaste through all that barbed wire?
:Jan''': [when Cindy is about to go into the bathroom] Marcia's in there.
:Alan: I can't take you to the dance.
- Marcia: Why not?
- Alan: Well, my parents are going out of town.
- Marcia: So what?
- Alan: I have to go with them.
- Marcia: I don't believe you. You just don't want to be seen with a girl who has braces, like I do now. I hate you, Alan Anthony. I hate EVERYBODY!
The Hero [1.21] Edit
- Alice: [to the deliveryman] You keep calling me sweetie, gorgeous & beautiful, and I'll follow you anywhere!
:Alice: [seeing Peter on the paper] Leapin' caterpillars! We got ourselves a real celebrity!
:Jason: Sorry, I can't make it. I have my piano lessons.
- Peter: I didn't know you knew how to play the piano.
- Jason: I don't. That's why I gotta take lessons.
The Possible Dream [1.22] Edit
To Move or Not to Move [1.23] Edit
- Carol: [about the first strange noise] WHAT was that?
- Alice: It sounded like a cow died in the driveway.
:Carol: [about the strange noises] It's probably just the wind against the shutters.
- Alice: That would be a good guess, Mrs. Brady... if there was a wind... or we had shutters.
:Mrs. Hunsacker: You folks sure pick a strange time of the year to celebrate Halloween.
:Bert Grossman: [trying to explain the strange noises] It was probably just the wind through the willow grove.
- [the noises start again]
- Mrs. Hunsacker: That was no wind through a willow grove.
The Grass is Always Greener [1.24] Edit
Lost Locket, Found Locket [1.25] Edit
- [During the re-enactment of the locket's disappearance; Bobby got back in bed]
- Bobby: Can I spit out my toothpaste?
- Greg: Why didn't you spit it out in the bathroom?
- Bobby: You said we had to just what we did before. I didn't spit then now cause I didn't spit then. And you know somethin'?
- Greg''': What?
- Bobby: It's hard to talk with your mouth full of toothpaste.
Season 2 Edit
The Dropout [2.1] Edit
The Babysitters [2.2] Edit
The Slumber Caper [2.3] Edit
- Marcia: Hello Jenny, this is Marcia. I called about the slumber party I'm having tomorrow night.
- Jenny: I can hardly wait.
- Marcia: Well, it's only for my friends.
- Jenny: Sure, I'm your friend Marcia.
- Marcia: Not anymore. So considered yourself. Uninvited! [[[Marcia]] hung up the phone]
The Un-Underground Movie [2.4] Edit
- Greg: Peter, snow!
Going, Going... Steady [2.5] Edit
Call Me Irresponsible [2.6] Edit
The Treasure of Sierra Avenue [2.7] Edit
A Fistful of Reasons [2.8] Edit
- Buddy Hinton: Baby talk, baby talk, it's the wonder you can walk.
- Cindy: You stop that Buddy Hinton!
- Buddy Hinton: Stop that! Oh witty bitty baby talk. There is no witty bitty baby talk say something. Come on, say something.
The Not So Ugly-Duckling [2.9] Edit
The Tattletale [2.10] Edit
- Carol: Strain a guppy out of his fish tank?
- Greg: Tattletale!
- Mike: All right, that's enough.
- Cindy: But I didn't do anything wrong. Peter stained the guppy.
- Mike: All right what Peter did was wrong and what you did was wrong, too. You know that's none of your business. Your tattling is not right and could get other people into trouble.
:Bobby: I'm not lending everything to a snitcher!
- Cindy: I'm not a snitcher. I just tell it like it is.
- Bobby: Well I'm not lending you my skate key after the way you squealed on Greg and Peter!
- Cindy: Okay, I'll tell what you did yesterday.
- Bobby: You little fink!
What Goes Up... [2.11] Edit
- Tiger: [barking and running down the stairs]
- Bobby: Mom, Dad, my parakeet's loose! Tiger, stop scaring my parakeet!
Confessions, Confessions [2.12] Edit
- Bobby: Mom always says don't play ball in the house.
The Impractical Joker [2.13] Edit
Where There's Smoke [2.14] Edit
- Cindy: Greg's smoking.
- Tommy Johnson: Hey, man. They're just plain cigarettes.
Will the Real Jan Brady Please Stand Up? [2.15] Edit
- Jan''': I'd like to buy a wig please.
- Saleswoman: Not for yourself. Why would you want to cover such beautiful blonde hair?
- Jan: You'd understand if you had two blonde sisters at home.
- Saleswoman: Oh, so we want a complete change do we?
- Jan: Yes ma'me.
- Saleswoman: Ok. What kind of style are you looking for?
- Jan: I don't know. Something wild. Cookey. Kinda like something you're wearing.
- Saleswoman: This is my own hair.
- Jan: Oh! I'm so sorry!
- Saleswoman: Not half as sorry as I am.
- Saleswoman: Ah, that’s our ‘Midnight Temptress’ wig.
- Jan: ‘Midnight Temptress’, huh? Well, I don’t think I’ll be out that late.
The Drummer Boy [2.16] Edit
Coming Out Party [2.17] Edit
Our Son, The Man [2.18] Edit
- Greg: Remember Dad, we're talking man-to-man, not kid-to-man man-to-man, but man-to-man, man-to-man.
- Greg: Carol. Mike.
- Mike: Greg it may be thei hip thing to call parents by their first names, but around here, we're still Mom and Dad.
Lights Out [2.20] Edit
The Winner [2.21] Edit
Doubled Packed [2.22] Edit
Alice's September Song [2.23] Edit
Tell It Like It Is [2.24] Edit
Ghost Town U.S.A [3.1] Edit
Grand Canyon or Bust [3.2] Edit
The Brady Braves [3.3] Edit
The Wheeler Dealer [3.4] Edit
My Sister, Benedict Arnold [3.5] Edit
The Personality Kid [3.6] Edit
- Peter [Impersonating Humphrey Bogart]: Porkchops and applesauce, that's swell!
Juliet Is The Sun [3.7] Edit
- Marcia: One line. It's different with me. I'm a star.
- Jan: [to Marcia] Well lah-de-dah!
- Cindy: What does that mean?
- Jan: It means that Marcia's being a pain in the neck.
- Cindy: Oh, [to Marcia] well lah-de-dah!
And Now a Word From Our Sponsor [3.8] Edit
The Private Ear [3.9] Edit
Her Sister's Shadow [3.10] Edit
- Jan: Well, all I hear all day long at school is how great Marcia is at this how wonderful Marcia did that. Marcia, Marcia, Marcia!
Click [3.11] Edit
Getting Davy Jones [3.12] Edit
The Not-So-Rose-Colored Glasses [3.13] Edit
The Teeter Totter Caper [3.14] Edit
Big Little Man [3.15] Edit
- Bobby: She's right. I'm a pee-wee, I'll always be a pee-wee.
Dough-Re-Mi [3.16] Edit
- Peter: Cindy stuck her tongue out of me.
- Carol: She's just a little girl.
- Peter''': She has an awfully big tongue.
Jan's Aunt Jenny [3.17] Edit
The Big Bet [3.18] Edit
The Power of the Press [3.19] Edit
Sergeant Emma [3.20] Edit
Cindy Brady, Lady [3.21] Edit
My Fair Opponent [3.22] Edit
The Fender Benders [3.23] Edit
- Mike: Who banged up what?!?!
Hawaii Bound [4.1] Edit
Pass the Tabu [4.2] Edit
The Tiki Caves [4.3] Edit
Today, I Am A Freshman [4.4] Edit
Cyrano de Brady [4.5] Edit
- Peter: I don't trust you, you stole my girl!
- Greg: I did not steal your girl.
- Peter: You did.
- Bobby: You guys should stop aguring, I'm getting out of here.
Fright Night [4.6] Edit
The Show Must Go On?? [4.7] Edit
Jan, The Only Child [4.8] Edit
Career Fever [4.9] Edit
Greg's Triangle [4.11] Edit
Law and Disorder [4.14] Edit
'''Bobby''': Help! Mom!
'''Alice''': Mrs.Brady, the suds are calling you.
- Carol: What were you doing?
- Bobby: Washing my clothes.
- Alice: You're supposed to take your clothes off before you washed them!
Greg Gets Grounded [4.15] Edit
Bobby's Hero [4.17] Edit
The Subject was Noses [4.18] Edit
- Marcia: Something suddenly came up.
- Marcia: [to Bobby and Peter] Hey, you guys... [her nose gets hit by the football] OH! My nose!
How To Succeed in Business [4.19] Edit
The Great Earring Caper [4.20] Edit
You're Never Too Old [4.21] Edit
You Can't Win 'Em All [4.22] Edit
- Carol: [to Cindy] You shouldn't put down a loser, Cindy, because you might be one yourself someday. Just remember that.